Foundational Friday: Be Calm and Carry On Applies to Interracial Dating Too

How many times have you seen Be Calm and Carry On or Be Calm and Drink Coffee written on a mug or a shirt.  This idiom works for interracial dating too. Be calm and date on.   Don’t spend even a second worried about what others think. Focus on you and your partner.  What works for you?  Be calm about your union, enjoy your union and love your union. Love your differences and always see the light in your relationship.

 

 

Foundational Friday: Speak Up

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Do not judge, or you too will be judged -Matthew 7:1

Yesterday on our Facebook page, I posted a video from the show What Would You Do. The clip featured a woman getting her hair done in an Atlanta hair shop.  She spoke about her boyfriend and when the hairstylist found out that the woman’s boyfriend is white she proceeded to judge and spew hateful comments about why this woman should not be dating a white man.  If you haven’t seen the clip check it out here.  In this clip, we discover how people surrounding the conversation respond to what are they were hearing.

When you find yourself in a similar situation, are you bold enough to speak up? Do you have a solid foundation to proudly speak your mind for what you think is right?  You all know where I stand with this issue.  I am pro-interracial dating and I would have to put this hairstylist in her place.  If anyone is judging you for your choices, stand strong and speak up.

Step Inside Another Culture

I had a dream about inviting a stranger into my home.  I am trying to analyze it and figure out what it means.  The stranger in my dream was a homeless man that I often spoke to and became friendly with.  One fine day, he asked me the following question: “If we are really friends, why don’t you invite me to your home?”

This question has me thinking today.  Is there someone in my life that I need to get closer with and that includes inviting them to my home?  Is there someone in your life that you could get closer with?  So often, we spend time talking casually with people and we call them our friends, but we never invite them into our home.  I believe that when you are able to share your space with someone that is the time when the true friendship begins.

When people that you want to share your life with come into your home, they really get to know you. They see how you live and what is important to you.  Getting to know someone of a different culture is very much the same.  You have to step into the culture to truly experience it and understand it better.  When you are dating someone of another culture, it is not enough to say that you are open to dating people of another culture.  It is more to say that you connect and the only way to connect is by doing.  Attend important events, participate in activities, learn a bit of the language, and customs.

Some people worry that by immersing in the other person’s culture, you are separating from your own.  Do not let that be true.  Multiculturalism is multi for a reason.  Spend time celebrating your own culture and the other person’s too and whatever other cultures you fancy.

Most importantly have fun!

 

Foundational Friday: Forgive

We are to live forward and not in the past.  For all of you who have been hurt by someone in a previous relationship, do not let that person’s race, culture, or faith affect you from dating someone of the same in the future.  You know all humans make mistakes and everyone is capable of hurting someone’s feelings.  I grew to understand that the people we love the most are the ones that hurt us the most, so leave race and everything our of it.

Take the story of Kim and Al, an interracial couple; she being Asian and he is Caucasian. They were together for 4 years and had an awesome time together. They traveled a lot and got to know each others families.  They saw each other graduate from university and start their first career positions.  They broke up about 5 years ago because Kim got bored and decided that she wanted to see other people.  After that, Al decided he wasn’t going to date Asian girls anymore.  I suppose, he no longer trusted having a future with an Asian woman and feared being dumped again.  Al still has the same mentality and he is single.

Al needs to live and let go of the past.  When Kim moved on it had nothing to do with her race or culture.  In fact, the man she married two years ago is Caucasian, just like Al.

So what is the message here….

The Foundational message here is to forgive and let go. When you forgive you let go of all the negative energy that lives within yourself.  Al could be missing out on a lot of great opportunities to have a successful relationship with an Asian woman again or even any woman for that matter.  People are allowed to choose what is right for them.  Let it be.

Forgive yourself, forgive her, and allow yourself to live again.

 

He cheated, so I won’t date that race again.

The bad situation you experienced with one race was an isolated situation.  Don’t let that story in the past move along with you into your future.

So you dated a black guy and he cheated on you. That does not mean that another black man is going to do the same thing.  Even if you find a statistic that suggests this to be true, I am asking you to put that aside. Every race, culture, and faith have people within them that will do something wrong. Why? Because we are all human.  No one is perfect.

So don’t miss out on a good thing because you are too busy stereotyping and living in the past.

-Akosua

 

We don’t go to church together. What should I do?

So you met your girlfriend three months ago and she told you that she likes to go to church.  I am sure she was hoping back then,  that you would like to go with her and if you have yet to go, she is still hoping that you will go with her.  You didn’t grow up going to church and really don’t know if you want to go.  So what are you going to do?

Neither of you should plan to change each other.  It is a good idea to ask and seek to understand what each of you believe.  She obviously believes in God.  Ask yourself what or who you believe in?  Visiting a church does not mean that you will suddenly become a Jesus worshipper.  It will mean that you are open to learning and there is nothing wrong with that.  When you open yourself up to learn, you are allowing yourself to become wiser and to make an informed decision of what is best for you.  Only you can figure out what is going on inside of you.  I know people who go to church and love going and meanwhile, everything they are learning is not being applied to their everyday life.

If you decide to go to church with your girlfriend, let it be because you are going to experience it for yourself.  Let yourself capture the spirit or not.  Don’t do it for her, do it for you.  Whatever comes out of it, will be yours and no one can argue that experience.

Being open is the first step to learning anything.  Now you decide for yourself.

-Akua

Love is Unconditional, Valentine’s Day or Not

So you live in the US and your new girlfriend is from India. Back home she doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, so the day has come and you decided there is no need to get her anything. WRONG!

Don’t you know that every store she has walked in to this week has bombarded her with heart shaped chocolates, pink and red decor, and her favorite M&Ms can now only be found in the pink package.  Do you really think she is not thinking about this day and wondering if you will think to give her something special?

Since it is not her tradition to celebrate this day, you are not expected to go all out. At least I don’t think so.  A simple gesture like flowers, candy, a card with a nice note from you or even a sweet message on a post-it note will make her smile.  Warm her heart for days to come with something thoughtful!  Showing appreciation and love is not conditional to this day only so do this as often as you want.

I am more laid back, so actually this day has come and my husband and I shared a heart shaped donut this morning.  We sometimes take trips for Valentine’s Day, but this year is definitely low key.  I am planning to send a love letter to his email today and we have dinner plans tomorrow, instead of today.  We would rather dine out on a day when everyone else isn’t.

You can try something out of the ordinary, go big or go small. Know your mate’s heart and understand what he or she will appreciate.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Are Black Men Disturbed When They See A Black Woman With A White Man?

This is a good question that often comes up in the black community.  Remembering back to my high school days when I dated a white guy and I felt a little uncomfortable because I wasn’t sure how others would perceive me. The thought of being called a “sell-out” was on my mind back then.  Although I grew up in a very white city, I still wondered if the few black people would shun an eye at me for dating outside of my race.

There was a time when an interracial relationship would draw up the picture of a black man and a white woman. That’s the only picture that came to mind and I think that was true for most people 20 years ago.  Now, we see all forms of races coming together for love. For some reason, it seems that when a black person is with another race, it still sparks some tension for some families.  If you are in a relationship that has no struggles, consider yourself extremely blessed.  I know I do.

Now let’s take a closer look at a black woman with a white man.  I reviewed ten opinions on this question, “Are black men disturbed when they see a black woman with a white man?” and I want to speak to what I learned.  Only two people had a problem with it, stating that the black woman is always more beautiful than the white guy. Seriously? What does that have to do with anything.  Another person felt that the black women are probably closer to being white supremacists.  Talk about ridiculous.

I’m happy to report that most people felt that people can date whomever they want and wherever they find love is good, no matter what the race is.

Do you know of someone that is disturbed by you dating outside of your race? Share your story here.

 

Interfaith Dating II

So I spoke to my sister today and she took me outside of my harmonious bubble and made me think again about my thoughts on interfaith dating.  No matter what anyone believes, it is happening. People are having interfaith relationships that lead to marriage and sometimes divorce.  It’s not always dandy.  I was reminded about reincarnation beliefs and the Hindi faith that worships multiple gods and the free-spirited people that pray out to the universe and more.  I have respect for all religions and all beliefs, however I must say that I believe that it would be very difficult for some of these faiths to come together in marriage.  That being said, I would like to hear from interfaith couples that are living well and even not so well, so that we can learn from your experience.

Interfaith Dating

In this time of chaos, we must find every way possible to rise above hatred and ignorance. Faith is something that I value highly in my life.  I am not about religion. I am about faith in my living God.  I am a Christian married to a Muslim.  I am only defined by religion because the world has labeled me this way based on my belief in Jesus Christ.  My faith is about my relationship with God.  For my husband his faith is also about his relationship with God. Now I can get into more details, but the bottom line is that we both believe in God and we both pray to God.  In fact, we often pray together.

With the current events in the USA, religion is playing a strong role in this so called free nation and juxtaposing everything any faithful person is about.  As a Christian that is married to a Muslim, I am proud to say that my Christian beliefs do not condone the idea of banning another faith in my country.  Whatever your faith is, dig down deep and think about the knowledge you have about your faith. What do you believe about being a light to others and serving others?  Is it right to turn people away based on how they pray or who they pray to?  I get it, be proud of your faith, whatever that is, but does it include bringing others down in order to lift yourself up?  It doesn’t work! A nation is nothing without its people and so far with the current states of the United States, does not feel United.

Since I like to bring people together based on our differences and I want to help prevent religious bigotry here are few things that I love about my interfaith relationship and how it works for us:

  1. We share the same set of values, which ultimately was based on the principles we learned to live by through God word.
  2. We both love Jesus.
  3. We both have incredible compassion and loves to serve others.
  4. I think my husband knows more stories in his Holy book than I know in mine.

If you are considering dating someone of another faith, you still need to know your own boundaries.  I am strong in my Christian faith, yet I am open to other faiths because I know that God is inclusive.  People are usually a certain faith because of where they were born and the conditions that surrounded them.  If I was born in Iran, I would obviously be Muslim.  As we become adults and find our way, we make our own choices, but even those choices are preconceived and have some bias into it.  I know what my boundaries are and if I was to ever consider converting religions, I would still have the same faith that I have today, which is the hope and spirit that lives within in me from the power of the Holy Spirit that comes from the Almighty God.

#NoBan #NoWall #lovematters #lovetrumpshate #interfaith #interracialdating