What to do when your date tells you that he can never show you to his parents

I was on a second date with a guy from Iran and his family have lived in Dubai and just relocated to North America. We were getting along well and then suddenly he tells me that he would not be able to show me to his parents. I was thinking, well I don’t want to meet your family now anyway, I barely know you.  He went on to say that what he means is that even if we get closer and spend months  hanging out, he would not ever be able to introduce me to his family because I am not from his country.  I was appalled and at the same time I understood.  In this moment of feeling hurt and slightly offended, I remained confident and respectful.

I did not consider this to be racist. I understood this to be a family that wants to keep its culture. His parents want to see him with a woman that has the same cultural history, language, and views on life that they do.  So I processed this information, spoke kindly and the date was over fairly quickly.

A few days later, he called me to go out again and I declined. I politely told him that there was no point to see each other again because I was not looking to waste my time.  He had already given me the heads up that I would not be able to meet his parents. It would be different if he said that we would have difficulty in sharing our relationship with his family, but that is not what he told me. It was clear to me that I was not the girl to bring home to mom and dad.  When I told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore, he tried to explain why it would be okay and that he wanted to fix this.  The following day he called me again, to inform me that he spoke to his parents and they approved of him seeing me again. I have no idea what he explained to his parents and quite frankly I didn’t have strong feelings towards him anyway, so I was okay not ever seeing him again.  I was surprised that he went to his family to sort out this dilemma.

Looking back, he did the right thing.  It was his first time going out with a black woman and up to that point he never had to bring up interracial dating to his family. It was in his mind that they would not accept him dating outside of his race and culture.  He also learned that his parents were more open that he thought.

 

If you find yourself in a similar situation, I advise you to understand what your date wants and how he or she wants to deal with it.  Learn something about each other in the process and then decide if the next move you want to take is worth it or not.

 

What to Do When Mom Objects Your New Black Girlfriend

Every parent has an idea of who they see their child choosing as a companion. We ourselves have an idea of our perfect mate.  Life has its turns, spirals, and surprises.  I grew up in a mostly white area and I remember there was a German family that lived around the corner from our house. The parents were racist, raising up five children who fortunately, did not catch the racist bug.  In fact one of the children had her own set of children that ended up choosing to be with a black man and had bi-racial babies.  Proof that no one can predict which way cupid will shoot his arrow.  When a love connection is made, it is too strong to rip apart.

So what do you do when you decide to date someone that mommy isn’t going to be excited about?  I recommend that you hang out with your new girlfriend long enough to decide if you are comfortable with her.  When you know her and YOURSELF well enough, you will feel more confident introducing her to your mom.  You have to be bold and handle everything with love.  If you are already ready to defend your new gf, then it means you are assuming the worst.  Just assume that your mom is going to come from a place of love to. Be casual.  If mom speak up with shame, then you must still respect your mom and speak candidly and kindly from you heart.

Being respect is due because she gave birth to you.  At the same time, you have to be strong with who you are and what you believe. After all, mom has raised you. If she trusts in the good job she has done with you, then she ought to trust your choice.  Let mom know the things that you like about your gf and share some of the unknown interesting things about her. This will begin to open mom’s eyes and her heart.

One step at a time.  It is important to teach your mom along the way. That’s the only way she is going to learn. So don’t hide or keep them apart. Slowly merge their two worlds.