When You Don’t Understand Your Partner

understand each other

How to understand your partner

Are you ever in the middle of a conversation and then realize that your partner just doesn’t understand you?  What do you do in that situation?  There are few options and I would like to guide you through an effective way to handle the situation.

  1. Check Yourself.  Figure out your thoughts before you express them and share openly with love. You have to be ready to explain what you mean instead of quickly shutting down the conversation.
  2. Ask if your partner understands what you are explaining.  Your partner may not say that they don’t understand, so you need to ask if what you are saying makes sense.  If it is not clear. Try another way to explain things and use examples.
  3. Remember that everything is within context.  Have your partner understand why your view is important to you.  Once he/she has that context they may have more consideration for your thoughts.

What ideas come to mind after reading this? Go ahead and share.

 

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Interracial Dating: When People Look at You

PEople

Sometimes when you venture out to places you will notice that people look at the two of you.  Before you begin to think negatively, put yourself in check and anticipate the best. Whenever people look at us, I always suppose that they are delighted to see such an interesting looking couple walking hand in hand and that our love is flowing in the air.

Leave a reply and let me know if this has happened to you and how you responded.

 

How to Meet Someone New Anywhere and Anytime

young-girl-at-the-coffee-shop

People are always complaining that it is so hard to meet a love interest.  I’m here to testify that it is only as hard as you make it.  Yes, it is difficult to meet the right match for a longterm commitment, however the introduction part is easy and that is why you have to start doing this fast.

Create Open Space

Have you ever heard that you need to be more open?  If you have been following my blog and Instagram @InterracialTips then you know that this is a recurring message. While you are sitting in a coffee shop, reading a book or on your laptop, try to sit in a position facing outward.  This is a more inviting position for you to look up and out to someone and for that person to do the same towards you.  If you are sitting alone, try not to spread out all of your things to cover the who table. Leave some space for someone to feel welcome to sit with you.

SMILE

If you see someone that you think is interesting, smile.  If you look away without making eye contact, how is this person to know that you are welcome to a chat?  A smile is a warm welcome and also sort of an invitation to be friendly to each other.

Say Hello

It’s that simple.  If you are in line at a bank, at a coffee shop, at the school book store, at the gas station, or wherever you find yourself, look up and look around you and then say “Hi”.  I see too many people glued to their phones and missing the opportunity to make connections in person with people all around them.  Say hello to the guy in front, ask the girl beside you how her day is going and so on.

Be Interested and Interesting

This requires you having a good sense of intuition and being able to pick up on social cues.  It’s good to ask a person how their day is going, but if he/she is not very receptive the conversation may not even start.  You want to show some interest and let the conversation and vibe flow. The last thing you want is to be asking a ton of questions and only getting one word answers back. Then you feel like a nosy loser with a little bit of creep.  A good conversation can flow like this:

“Hello”

“How is your day going”

“It’s funny how we stand in line all this time and then get to front and still try to figure out what to order”

“I already know what I’m getting.”

“Aww…nice. A decisive woman.”

“You better believe it. I always go with my favorite, caramel latte.”

“I usually go through drive through, but I decided to come in and chill for a bit”

“Cool. Are you heading to the festival this weekend?”

“I am not sure…”

And go on from there….

Be as Natural and as Genuine as You Can Be

I know you’re tired of hearing that you must be authentic.  This advice will never get tired because people are often trying to be someone they are not.  Remember, you’re looking to make lasting relationships and the best way to do that is by being true to yourself and to the people you interact with.  It’s much easier to just be yourself.

 

I’d love to hear your suggestions and things that have worked for you out there. Leave your comments below.

Thanks for readings.

A.S.

 

 

Traveling As An Interracial Couple

NO.2 GUIDE

We traveled through 12 countries together and I can say that we LOVE to travel and I can share with you how we get through our adventures no matter what.  We both have an open mind. If you have been following this blog for awhile, then you know that I keep saying that being open creates peace and more harmony AND love.

I get excited when I see other interracial couples hanging out, especially when I travel abroad.  In most cases though, the interracial couples I see are also travelers from the North America.  As I traveled through Colombia, Ecuador, Brazil, Chile, I didn’t see any interracial couples that were native to land.  That could be a for a few reasons, which would all be assumptions on my part.  The simple and obvious statement is that there is less diversity outside of North America.  We can’t expect to see a lot of interracial couples, so we might stand out in some countries.  It won’t necessarily be bad, but we might have to get used to people looking because it is still sort of unusual in some places.

Interracial couples used to take into consideration, safe places for interracial couples to travel.  Couples had to plan which highways were safe to drive and what road stops were the most suitable.  We know racism still exists in the world and there may still be some areas in the world where couples have to decide whether they feel welcome or not. I am happy to report that so far, we have received nothing, but love wherever we have gone. People have looked at us here and there, but I believe it is because we look interesting. Really, it is true.  I don’t mind people looking at us because I would look at us if I didn’t see couples like us very often. I would look with love and interest to no more about their life.

For our travel adventures, we usually look for a deal and we are quiet spontaneous.   We like to look online for the best deals and bids and we go where we can score an awesome experience with culture and indulge in great food.  We look at blogs and Tripadvisor for sights to see and things to do.  Usually my husband leaves it to me to pick the places I want to see. Since we are a casual, easy going couple with no kids, we are super flexible and we sometimes roll with the punches.

I love looking at pictures and often look at Instagram pics of the cities we are going to. No matter where we go, we have an open mind because we are expecting something different.  We are different from each other and we welcome differences because that creates a colorful life. A life that is filled with more beauty. So that’s it, just have an open mind when you travel. You have to have an open mind with each other and with the people that you interact with. Travel smart and always be safe.

 

Color Blind or Color Aware

Ice Cream Party

I often hear people say that race does not matter and that they do not see color.  They say “I am colorblind” or use #colorblind in their social media posts. This comes with great intentions, I’m sure of it.  For me, I prefer to say that I see color. Now let me tell you why and what this means for me.

I embrace my black race. My parents came from Africa and I therefore am African and share a North American culture with my heritage.  Everywhere I go, I am black.  My husband is Iranian. He looks Iranian to me, but when we travel especially to Spanish speaking countries, people seem to think he has Latin heritage.  Needless to say we stand out.  I’m okay with that.  People see what they see.  There is no blindness happening here.

The world was created with a variety of nature and wonder, which includes humankind.   We exist in different shapes, sizes, and color and it is evident and beautiful.  God created color. We learn from an early age about primary colors and mixing color palettes to create even more bright, bold, dark, and fancy colors.  We must see color, embrace, experience and show off the beauty of all colors.  I choose to be color aware because I lack if I choose not to see color.

In good faith, I know what people mean, when they say they are color blind. They are simply stating that they will not discriminate and they have love for all people.  I think it is important that we not ignore the colors (the races) that exist. It is real, so let’s keep it real and talk about race.  Don’t avoid that we are different. Instead let our differences bring us together.

Love for all race and color,

A.S.

Interfaith Dating and What You Have to Discuss Before The Wedding

Even if you believe in love at first sight, you don’t really know if you will be walking down the aisle, saying your “I dos” and living happily ever after.  In fact, your faith may not even include walking down any aisle.  You may be super charged and excited to have your wedding before you discover all the obstacles that come into play.  Let’s put that aside for a moment.  You ought to be excited about the big event and what it means for you as you plan to spend your life together.  Key point here, plan to spend your life together.  I want to give some pointers about planning because you will have to face your differences and it won’t be good if you have swept it under the rug.  I believe that our differences can enrich us and bring us closer together, but you must have open dialogue.

Here are a few tips to help you get through your differences:

  1. Talk about your faiths openly.  What you like about it and what you don’t.  How your faith will be actualized in your life as a couple and as you build your family. Do not deny that you have differences.
  2. Understand the culture that you plan to create for your family and how both faiths weaves in. Let love be the root of everything because it is.
  3. Be open about experiencing each others faith.  It doesn’t mean it is time to convert. If converting doesn’t make sense to you, why would you do it?  Don’t lose your identity. Remember your culture and faith shaped who you are today and that is who your partner fell in love with. Work together and remember each other needs to be true to their identity.
  4. Don’t have expectations of each other unless you both agree to them.  If you’re planning to continue going to the temple and you think he will start going after the wedding…guess again my dear. That likely isn’t going to happen.

The main thing that gets us through everything is communication and what is most important is that no matter what we share the same values. We have the same dreams and desires.  Build a strong foundation and start building that foundation before your get married.

With love,

AS

How to Deal With an Argument

You both grew up in a different household with different cultures.  Now when you come together, you may notice that certain things annoy you about your partner.  So what should you do?

I remember we had a recent dispute about time management and how I manage my time.  Funny enough, my husband doesn’t manage his time perfectly either, but he makes it a point to let me know that I can do better.  While he is right, I still want to debate about how wrong he is. I grew up with a laid back mentality.  So I take things at the pace that I want to complete something.  I am organized in my own way.  He is always in a rush to get things done.

Here are some tips on how to have a decent discussion rather than shouting and spewing crazy things at each other when you face a disagreement about a certain matter.

  1. Listen to each other carefully.
  2. Give each other a chance to respond with no interruptions.
  3. Speak with love.
  4. Remember all the positive things about each other and say them too.
  5. You do not have to agree on everything, but you should respect each other and found a happy place to heal and move on from the matter.

 

Akua

So you are dating a cheater, now what?

So you are dating a man and when you first met he seemed charming and responsible. You got to know him a little more and you still felt he was a good match for you.  Before you know it, you are calling him your boyfriend and the relationship is progressing pretty fast.  As you begin to fall in love with him, he is beginning to show signs of cheating and less interest in his relationship with you.  You previously heard that men of his kind (or race) cheat, but this is not always true. Plus, the guy you snagged was not like this at all.  Unfortunately, you just discovered that he is cheating and you don’t know what to do.

What should you do now?

This dilemma is not about race, this is about a man that betrayed you.  First, decide if you are okay with dating this person as the situation stands today. Then you need to have open dialogue about this matter and decide if you are okay with the consequences.  Only you can make the decision of what is right for you.

My personal opinion is to get rid of him and move on. There are lots of great people of all different backgrounds in all different places that you can connect with.

-Akua

Foundational Friday: Be Calm and Carry On Applies to Interracial Dating Too

How many times have you seen Be Calm and Carry On or Be Calm and Drink Coffee written on a mug or a shirt.  This idiom works for interracial dating too. Be calm and date on.   Don’t spend even a second worried about what others think. Focus on you and your partner.  What works for you?  Be calm about your union, enjoy your union and love your union. Love your differences and always see the light in your relationship.

 

 

Foundational Friday: Speak Up

Hairdresser_Bashes_Interracial_Couple_What_Would_You_Do_WWYD

Do not judge, or you too will be judged -Matthew 7:1

Yesterday on our Facebook page, I posted a video from the show What Would You Do. The clip featured a woman getting her hair done in an Atlanta hair shop.  She spoke about her boyfriend and when the hairstylist found out that the woman’s boyfriend is white she proceeded to judge and spew hateful comments about why this woman should not be dating a white man.  If you haven’t seen the clip check it out here.  In this clip, we discover how people surrounding the conversation respond to what are they were hearing.

When you find yourself in a similar situation, are you bold enough to speak up? Do you have a solid foundation to proudly speak your mind for what you think is right?  You all know where I stand with this issue.  I am pro-interracial dating and I would have to put this hairstylist in her place.  If anyone is judging you for your choices, stand strong and speak up.